Liquor: Another “Consumption Crisis” We Pretend Isn’t Fun
Let’s take a trip down memory lane—back to when Americans thought banning booze would make us better people. Yep, Prohibition kicked off with the 18th Amendment on Jan 16, 1919, and it lasted until 1933, when we collectively said, “Wait, WHAT were we thinking?” Only took 13 years to realize that telling Americans not to drink is like telling Wellness Bitches to drink water—our most precious resource—only when thirsty.
Today, we’re surrounded by hundreds of dietary disasters—most of which we refuse to repeal or even acknowledge. Our food pyramid collapsed under its own weight, and now 65% of adults are obese, with another 30 million kids joining the ranks. But hey, let’s all keep talking about “eating healthy” even though it’s ungrammatical. And, despite our small stature—5’4” average for females and 5’9” for males—we all have “big bones so maybe we aren’t fat.*
But when it comes to liquor and smoking, the denial fades faster. Not fun inhaling with angry health nuts staring and bartenders looking upset.
Enter the Red Wine Renaissance (AKA the French Paradox Fairy Tale)
In 1991, 60 Minutes aired a segment on how the French scarf down cheese and foie gras but have surprisingly low heart disease rates. The secret? Red wine. Cue Americans stampeding to the wine aisle like it was the end of The Purge.
Wine sales shot up 40% and suddenly Merlot was a medicine. The magic ingredients? Resveratrol, flavonoids, and a whole lot of denial. We told ourselves wine was heart-healthy—even as we chugged entire bottles while watching The Bachelor.
But give Americans a sip of science, and we’ll turn it into a bottomless brunch. Unlike the French, who sip brandy and pass out in style, we said, “Let’s do shots”
Then came the global buzzkill:
“No Amount of Alcohol Is Safe.”
Suddenly, headlines blared:
“Alcohol Causes Cancer!”
“Wine Lies Exposed!”
“Sober Is Sexy Now!”
Millennials and Gen Z jumped on the sober-curious train, drinking sparkling water with vibes and oat milk lattes with boundaries. (Except on vacation. Or at concerts. Or after breakups. Or when they feel “vibey.”)
And Yet… the Liquor Biz Is BOOMING
Despite the doom-and-gloom, the global alcohol market is thriving. In 2023, it was worth $2.31 trillion and is projected to reach $5.72 trillion by 2032. Cheers to that.
Spirits now outshine beer and wine in sales. (Beer bros, go back to Bud). In 2022, spirits made up 40% of sales value.
Even India, where Hinduism traditionally frowns on booze, is chugging whisky like it’s chai.
China is swapping baijiu for whisky. North America is diving into craft cocktails and tequila tastings, all while preaching wellness with a green juice chaser.
So, what’s fueling this not-so-sober boom?
1. Premiumization, Baby
We drink less, but fancier. If it’s organic, artisanal, and costs $19 a glass, it must be good for you, right?
2. Social Pressure beats health scares.
Your brain says “no,” but your friend says, “One drink won’t kill you.” Guess who wins?
3. Global Middle Class = Global Hangovers
As India and China rise economically, so does their thirst for Western spirits. It’s globalization… but tipsy.
4. Marketing Madness
Alcohol is now “wellness-adjacent.” Try our low-cal tequila, gluten-free vodka, or kombucha hard seltzer that probably counts as a probiotic if you squint hard enough.
Final Sip
Yes, we’re aware. Yes, we care. But also—yes, we drink. The liquor industry isn’t just alive—it’s flourishing. Fueled by our desire to have “just one,” our belief in magic grapes, and a bottomless appetite for escape.
So here we are, sober-curious by day and mezcal-maniacs by night. America: land of contradictions, confessions, and cocktails. L’Chaim!
*Average height has been in decline since about 1980. In the 1800s, Americans were the tallest people in the world. But in the 1980s, average American height began shrinking just as we began to expand horizontally.