Be Nice to Our TECH Lords
Started the day with tech issues. It’s the new normal! My smart Samsung TV is missing my smart Spectrum App. A call to Time Warner/Spectrum/ Charter Communications starts with AI asking for my data, which they already have, but I won’t point out the obvious because I need to talk to a real live Techie who, of course, insists on the same data. Finally, the hunt for the missing app begins. To pass the time, I make a joke about the three company names. It bombs. (Note to Self: Tech doesn’t joke.) Finally, I get the bad news: they can’t find their own app! All three entities feel really bad so they are now going to connect me directly with a Samsung techie. (We used to call this passing the buck).
Directly means five minutes on hold before I get to “converse” with someone in the Philippines whose accent is hard to understand, but it seems I must repeat all the same data AND set up a Samsung account on the actual TV. I comply, of course, and finally the Spectrum app is located by the Samsung tech crew. Immediately an email appears on my phone from Samsung asking me to log in to my just-created account. Guess what? My email and password don’t work. The familiar message appears: “Either the ID or the password is wrong!!” Nothing to do now but click the forget password link: “This email is ALREADY in use.” This is a SMART TV?
By now I am tired and my neck hurts from holding the phone while typing on the TV, but I can’t rest because my App Developer Account has issues. I haven’t complied with the newest directives. And I don’t have all the data required and I’m not sure where to find it and I need to supply new proof of incorporation, etc. It’s too much and I lose it and start to cry!! You can imagine how this upsets the Generation Z tech support guy because it’s weird just talking to a 78-year-old who was not born with an iPad in her crib. Fortunately, I regain composure, but I know I am in trouble with the Tech Lords. I consider telling this kid that precisely a year ago I had cancer surgery and that I am not firing on all four burners. Such a bad idea. So lame. This is “old think.” Get with the program I say. So I direct Siri to text the office to report: “ Hey Guys! Tech support was so helpful with the app issues blah blah.” Alexa is listening, of course. I just know these two girls can communicate my enthusiasm for all things tech because having a mini meltdown is totally inexcusable.
My familiar password of 15 years is no longer good, and I miss it. Today’s passwords require a very particular combination of characters and numerals and punctuation marks. Plus they can’t be too short or too long. For your security! So now I have multiple passwords, a situation that challenges my memory on a daily basis! At my age that’s good, right? Speaking of security, I am the only Joan Breibart on the planet so it should be easy for me to prove I am me. But my name might as well be Mary Smith. Tech has to be 100% sure which is difficult because of the NEW Privacy Rules. Why am I surprised when a reservations clerk at a major hotel chain asks me if it’s ok to ask me some questions. I’m worried. Does he want to know about my medications? Credit card debt? Outstanding parking tickets? No! What he wants to know are the dates and type of room I want to book! This is your PRIVACY working for you!
But Tech is trying. That’s why every encounter is followed by a Survey! At a chain drugstore I buy $6.40 of stuff and immediately a survey is on my phone. Amazon’s Seller Central site delivers a performane survey after every action. It doesn’t matter whether you select #1 or #10 because you always get a big THANK YOU. These ubiquitous surveys seem needy. Why does AI need so much assurance? Obviously, this is the NEW form of survey. They exist to make YOU the customer feel important. Isn’t that nice?
“Tech is wonderful,” I keep telling myself. My very useful and funny 80Bites eating app is proof even though it needs a software update. Just a few tweaks I think, but the techie I contact reports that my app is AWFUL and has to be completely redone. To make his case, he shows me one that is well designed with many features. I agree that it is very techy, but its content is based on a flawed weight loss formula. Instantly I sense he is annoyed. What does coding have to do with content?
Anyway, my imperfect app, 80Bites, is now available in Android and IOS. Only $.99 and it will save you hundreds of dollars and fix your own body. Everyone who eats and is concerned about climate change needs it. Just remember: Tech always has your back — unless your passwords don’t match.